Its an epidemic. Its been going on for far too long. Its a disgrace. Its ugly. And its pissing me the fuck off. Mother. Fucking. Butterfly. Tattoo’s.
Look. I get it. You want ink. Your boyfriend has a bunch of ugly tribals and you desperately want to catch up.
Cool right. Got it. You can’t let him be a douche bag alone right? So you stroll into the tattoo parlor and the truth is you really don’t want a tattoo. That Nickelback song you love so much is kind of too long to put on your ankle anyway.
So what can you get you ask yourself. What can be small, feminine, and cute? You flash back to every Disney movie ever. Bambi is too big. Pinocchio would result in way too many dick jokes…hm cute…what is girly and cute (a Vicoria’s Secret thong?)…ah ahhh HA a butterfly.
You just got a bug permanently etched into your skin.
O and guess what.
25,065,433 other girls have the same GOD DAMN tattoo.
O but wait. Your best friend came too. And she wants a tat as well. But she can’t get a butterfly like duh that would be so copying and you two are original. Besties but totally different.
But what else is there? What else is completely over done, easy for an amateur tattoo artist to do and can somehow be related to Jesus?
Wings. You always were daddy’s little angel. Or wait maybe a cross? You did go to church camp that one summer. And you totally lost your virginity there so its like totally special to you. Or, wait waaaaiiit for it
I am so happy summer is over. And I will no longer be stuck on the subway seeing infinite bugs fly on girls arms, legs, ankles, and lower backs.
Only thing worse than looking at a butterfly tat? Said person with butterfly tattoo noticing you noticing her heinous tattoo noticing your tattoo’s and than initiating conversation.
Like. Kill me now.
Which brings me to my final point.
Do. Not. Touch. Me.
When you go to a museum do you touch the paintings? Shit you must be that person that takes “samples” at buffets and supermarkets. Yes there are bright colorful things on my arms. And hey if you want to admire them go ahead. Its the biggest compliment you can give me. I appreciate it. Believe me. But seriously. For reals. DO NOT TOUCH ME.
Because you will see what happens when you float like a butterfly and I sting you like a bee.