Thank it Over.

So I hate Thanksgiving. I enjoy the epic night before and I enjoy the cray cray madness that is Black Friday. But turkey day? Not so much. I won’t deny seeing family is awesome, but once you’re the kid of  a divorce that shit gets old quick. Thanksgiving hopping when you don’t eat any Thanksgiving foods is like a contestant on the biggest loser being asked to run the New York Marathon on Day 1. Yes. Its that hard. I’m also terrified of birds. Like really super duper scared. When I lived upstate I was in the car rolling into town when all of a sudden this giant feathered meteor hit the car. I was like WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT FUCK WAS THAT?!? Uhm I’m sorry I missed the memo that turkeys could fly. And as that mother fucker stared me down and as I got out of the car and started running I thought fuck you Mr. Turkey. FUCK. YOU. See you in November.

So I got to thinking. What am I really truly thankful for?

1. The fact the Subway doesn’t ever (usually) stop running. Think about it. All of our drunk asses can get to and fro with having to worry about anything more than not falling onto the tracks. Which I am super shocked doesn’t happen like ALL the time. MTA I complain about you a hellofalot but you know what I heart you. And thats the only time I’m gonna tell you.

2. Acceptance. Look I am pretty different. I get the fact that people may not know what the fuck to do with a Six foot one Jewish Quaker Gender Queer Black…thing. But I get shit for it so much less  than it would seem on paper. It means the world to me that I can go to my favorite “straight” bars and feel just as accepted as I do in gay PBR land. I know that we haven’t gotten to  point of full and total welcoming and understanding for the LGBT community. But daily. I’m feeling the love. And I love it.

3. Beyonce 

4. The Chinatown Express. The China Bullet. The Sketch Mobile. You know what I’m talking about. The good ol Chinatown bus. Now shit is dangerous. You may or may not get a seat even though you paid. You may have to: endure a random cat, sit next to imitation crab, deal with 5 other people in a 3 seater, sit on a milk crate in an aisle…but you know what? You will get to you destination in a least 45 minutes less than you thought was possible. Bring a six pack. Calm your nerves. Being able to pay 10 bucks to get the fuck out of town is a ok by this kid.

5. Dollar Pizza. Ever gone to get a regular slice at a pizza place in Manhattan? Shit is upwards of $3.50. Fuck. That. Shit. 2 slices and a soda for $2.75. All day erryday.

6. The fact someone got drunk enough to invent this:    7. And this: That would be a garbage plate and a Fat Bitch kids. Look it up. So much better than fucking turkey and stuffing. 

8. The fact beer in Washington Heights is so god damn cheap. More importantly the fact that pennies essentially do not exist up here. Quarters and Dollars folks. The way life should be. No tax at the bodega.

9. This: 

10. THANKSGIVING BEING HERE MEANS CHRISTMAS IS COMING. CHRISTMAS. AND HANUKKAH. I am so happy that I get to celebrate both. Because lets be honest other than the marathon of presents thing Hanukkah has going for it, the Christmas spirit be the bestest spirit. Plus any Jew will probably be the first to tell you at least half of those presents would only fly as stocking stuffers.

So have a happy day of thanks. Aka get stuffed and watch some football. I will be ordering Chinese, drinking booze, and watching those unstoppable Packers. Jesus Green Day what the fuck is in your Kool Aide?


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