Race Love and Lesbians

We all were in high school once. We all dealt with the drama associated with locker rooms. The sideways looks. The snickers. Girls are mean. And than we grew up, and we started dating each other. Likejesuswhatthefuck. Lesbians are some cliquey judgemental bitches. You try walking into a bar solo and tell me how many girls approach you. A straight girl could walk into a bar and instantly have men come a flocking. While this is obnoxious as shit, it also speaks volumes to the differences between men and women. And the whole dating game. Now. I did say segregation. And yes I am implying that lesbians while not only being bitchy cliquey are also a tiny bit racist. Yes. I said it. I dropped the R word.

Maybe because I grew up with white parents. Maybe because my family is just this giant mix. Maybe…there are a million maybes but race just isn’t that important to me. But one can go to any lesbian party and see a very strong racial presence. It swings one way or another. I feel like this a lot more apparent in Brooklyn.

I personally don’t leave Manhattan very often to party. There are many reasons for this but the main points are 1. I feel completely ostracized by both white and black Brooklyn queers. 2. Cliqued the fuck up. Trying to make friends at Metropolitan is like trying to convince TI not to buy a gun.
Here’s the thing. While I may be black my background is Jewish. My parents are from Long Island. I have black family members, but I was raised by a big ol crew of white. Growing up black kids often made fun of me; for how I spoke. You know, white.
Thankfully we grew up and thankfully we grew up in one of the most accepting places around. We were inundated from an early age with racial mixes, our friends having gay parents, and super liberal politics. A house party in my hometown threw together everyone. It was not rare to see “gangstas” hanging out with preppy lacrosse players.

Now there are many people who advocate that black babies should not be adopted by white couples. I did just say that I am black yet culturally a Jew. There are things invalid in that statement. My ancestors, my blood ancestors are not Jewish. As much as I know is that my birth parents are southern Baptists. They were raised in Louisiana, and there are voodoo roots in my mothers side. So no. My blood is not Jewish. But I have no connection to these people. My past the past that existed before I did that is what my makeup is. But it is not what I know. It is not what 22 years of my life have been spent living. There is no disconnect inside of me. I have never met anyone that looks like me. No not on the street. I mean in the sense of family. It is obvious to me that am different. But it is more glaringly obvious that I was given up. That the parents that raised me are the ones who wanted me. And therefore embracing their background only seems right. It matters.

So that is my back story. When I enter a space race is something that I see automatically. All white. All black. Mixed. Its always a point of interest. Now. I said racist earlier. Calling someone a racist is obviously a very strong statement. But what else can I call it when obvious discrimination occurs?

I have always been a bit confused by all black groups. Clubs, associations etc. I do more than anything feel like cultures should be celebrated. But I feel like there is a big difference between celebrating where you come from and isolating yourself from other cultures. Why can’t you celebrate who you are and where you came from yet still date outside of your race? The looks I receive from certain members of the black community when they see me with a white woman is baffling to me. If we are supposed to be a generation of understanding a generation of slaughtering the ignorance of the generations before us why are we still judging each other so hard?

Brooklyn in itself is changing. Its becoming gentrified. We all know this. We all see it. College kids and young adults will flock to where its cheap. Poor neighborhoods in Brooklyn are perfect starters for someone needing cheap rent and wanting to be surrounded by most of their friends. You know that word Brooklyn queers like to throw around a whole lot: community. This isn’t only happening in Brooklyn, its occurring all over the country. I briefly lived in Ann Arbor, Michigan (long story) and met a shit ton of kids that had just relocated to Detroit. Now no offense to anyone who grew up there but Detroit is fucking scary. We are talking daily murders, poverty, gang violence, drug wars…when I was living there, there was a grocery shortage. Groceries were being dropped by air. This isn’t some Mr. Rogers shit. Detroit is as real as real can get. So who is moving on in? Hipsters. Kids in bands. People making their own community while ignoring the one that is already there and suffering. White kids. So there is than an anger riled up in those already living there. Black people. Making race relations worse. And in essence keeping things very black or white.

I can not hear about your white guilt. I’m glad you had 4 years tucked away at your liberal arts school where you could talk about this shit with other upper middle class white kids but look. No black person wants to hear that crap. Rude? Tough. Its the truth. You know what you should be guilty about the fact that you moving into the neighborhood just set in motion the wheels of those who have lived there long before you, eventually being forced to move.

America is a melting pot, we’ve been hearing that since what kindergarten? But in our community I do not see this melting going on. I see very strong LGBT communities developing and thriving. But they are exclusive. We all know how badly the straight world can be to us. So why are we so ready to draw lines and barriers amongst ourselves?

I’m offering no more than my opinion, the way life has been presented to me, the way it unfolds in my eyes. I am serving up points of interests. Topics of conversation, how do you feel? What do you want from our generation? Racial, socially, we have all grown up in a time of  both overwhelming acceptance and undeniable intolerance. Maybe there is no life for humans on Earth without some form of segregation.

When I was growing up I would go out and hear people snicker, I would see them point as I held one of my parents hands. It was not rare for people to voice how they felt about this little black child being “forced” into a white world; being white washed. I feared those people they came off as such angry parasites. When I looked up to the person holding my hand I saw love. Not race. And to a child who otherwise would have been left to foster care system of the utmost disfunction that was all I ever needed.


2 thoughts on “Race Love and Lesbians”

  1. Nina, Sorry I cannot give you a “queer” point of view. BUT, I have known you a long time and feel compelled to respond 1) to your writing skills (yeah) since I was your English teacher for three years, and 2) to commend you on your honesty and for putting yourself out there. When you were a young teen I admired your openness regarding your unusual family situation and background. I remember you saying, “What’s the big deal? I was adopted by white parents who got divorced and my father re-married a black woman. Get over it!” I always thought that children who grow up in Montclair are lucky in some ways, but have an unrealistic picture of race relations in the ‘outside’ world once they leave town, assuming the rest of the country is like Montclair. I am quite frankly surprised to hear that you’re feeling “isolated” (within your social circles) in NYC. You’d think, there? Not so much… Remember though, your generation is the first to embrace and celebrate diversity… the 60’s may seem like a hundred years ago, but it was just yesterday in the grand scheme of things that the “n” word was slung about freely. You are on the right track – creating dialogue and inquiry on the subject… In my opinion 20 somethings are still babies trying to find their way in this unbelievably whacky time we live in. Keep the faith… we’re all moving in the right direction… I think. You are in effect, creating change with the written word – a powerful tool indeed.
    Julie D

  2. i love this. the last paragraph is my favorite.

    I think segregation is so alive because the majority of people do not grow up in a situation like you where they are able to dispell their racist notions. you saw love in the eyes of your white parents but many black people have only seen hate, disgust, fear, etc in white peoples eyes looking at them. and it goes both ways that many white people were never loved, seen as equal, respected by anyone black. plus, you know, brown, yellow, red, now shit gets complicated.

    I dont know first hand like you do that it can work out so well but if i were to adopt a child that was not the same race as me i would just make sure that i found some way to teach them about their roots. because you say you have no connection to your blood parents but you are connected by your blood line. so maybe those two individuals are irrelevant in your life but what they transmitted to you is part of who you are and is much bigger than just them two. cause i knew you had magikal powers before i knew why and so im sureee you’ve known for a whileeee. this is not just an issue about adoption though, the fact that magik is “not real” according to the “powers that be” fucks up soooo many children and people. but THAT is a whole different topic.

    the race thing is just taking time. my point of view on it has changed soooo much many times. and i used to love picking apart possible reasons and shit. but im so tired of talking about it at this point which is a statement that at one point i never would have thought i would ever say. but everyone is in on their path, at the right spot. thats all i can say cause I DONT KNOW. so its getting better. and struggle develops strength which enhances beauty capability and authenticity. When it comes to race, i just find the best thing to do is be myself and just notice the glares, snikers and judgemental vibes that they think i cant feel. so noticing used to bug me out, make me mad or uncomfortable. and now i just let myself rock. other ppl’s disillusions are not gona bring me down. fuck outa here. the good part about not giving a fuck and being myself is when i get love for it. cause thats empowering. and i see more and more of that these days. and thats what its really all about . love!! like what you saw in ur parents eyes. ONE LOVE ❤

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