Baby Its Cold Outside

I hate buying presents. Thats not entirely true.  I like random gift giving. I highly dislike the pressure associated with “having” to buy presents during the holiday season. This time of year “What to Get” lists pop up everywhere. Well fuck those lists. Here’s mine:

Yeah that’s right. A sleeping bag you can walk around in. It gets cold here in NYC. Plus imagine leaving the bar at 3am and knowing your Subway ride will be extra comfy cozy?

Well. Now we know what they show kids in other countries when they learn about “Modern day America”.  

I mean hey can you blame us? Blankets really are the spawn of the devil.

Hey Zach Morris. We gots rich. This is what happens when hipsters make old things ironic and than rappers make those ironic things LUDACRIS I mean ludicrous.

Everything about this is correct. EVERYTHING.

Remember in middle school when people thought it was appropriate to wear pajama pants? Like when it was cool? Like to the extent you would fight with your parents about not being allowed to go out of the house looking like you had just rolled out of bed “duh I didn’t sleep in these”. Well I’m glad someone got their thinking hats on…you must…be…fucking…kidding me.

Where were these in high school? 

Everyone has that douche bag friend who likes to randomly stage Ninja fights on street corners with angry New Yorkers in the rain…look don’t judge me. Its only happened once. The officers were totally understanding.

You never know when you’re gonna need to bust out the creepy.

So this bra is 10 Million Dollars.

…all I want to know is does she come too?

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