Maniac Monday

You may want to get out your hand sanitizer for after you get done reading this. Because I promise you that you’re hands will itch. Actually just be ready to take a shower and not give your number to anyone this week.

Straight up Crazy Cocoa Puffs

Shit. And here I was thinking that lesbians were crazy. This Monday I would like all of us to be thankful that this mess isn’t in our lives. Stage five
clinger does not even begin to cover it. There was a moment in there where I felt sorry for this JJ. But than well, her stalker cat tactics snuck in. Dude did learn his lesson though, betcha that one night stand sure as shit wasn’t worth it. Watch who you pick up at bars. Watch.

He and this dude should get together and exchange stories. Though this guy is just on the unfortunate end of someone at a bar giving a stage five clinger the wrong number. His.

So wrong it’s right.

Pure. Maniac. Hilarity.


Got Milk? Does he?

After reading Food Inc. My perceptions of how food is handled, processed, meddled with…this list goes on and on. Anyway my perceptions were forever changed. America’s food industry is kinda sorta fucking nasty. And the foods that we put in our bodies seriously have a good chance of killing us. And not in the fun “omg I’m so full I may die way” in the actual funeral, mourning get down. So after doing my reading and basically learning the worst out of every food I eat I’m lost. What’s a carnivorous Jew to do?

This is really more of an openendedshitivebeenthinkingaboutbutdontknowhowtofixkindadeal. You know kind of like Healthcare and The Economy. Through this thought process I’ve realized that maybe I’m a greedy/lazy individual. How so? I love meat. Like really truly would all up and gay marry a steak. But if the meat isn’t organic the conditions that those cows were forced to live through and even worse the way that they were slaughtered is many times absolutely horrific. Yes many restaurants in the city are adopting “animal friendliest” habits, but I know well and good that my taco truck steak isn’t fucking grass fed. So do I deny myself the yum? I am conscious but I am ignoring. Gosh isn’t that the case with so many things in this life?

We are all conscious of the homeless. The rattling of change cups, the begging for food. Yet we dive into our phones, turn up our headphones, and block it all out. Face it you are more concerned with the amount of “likes” your new profile picture got, than making sure some stranger gets to eat lunch. And I’m not judging. I’m questioning. Is this ok? Is this subjective blindness excusable?

We all grew up hearing that we needed to clean our plates because “There are starving children in Africa.” Well one there are starving children right here in Manhattan but whatevs Africa just adds to the whole white guilt plate. But that is a whole nother tangent. So yes there are starving children in Africa and worldwide, but should we feel guilty for our first world privilege? I think the answer to that is both yes and no. No we should not walk around with smiles on our faces thinking everyone in the world has it this good. Yes we should enjoy life. No we should not accept American news/media as our only forms of global awareness.

::Sigh:: as I’m writing this I’m feeling like a douche bag American with some serious #firstworldproblems. But I think, and therefore can not help it. And I want you to think. We can all make improvements not only within ourselves but for the world around us. We can not solely fix every problem but we can be a force in creating change.

I wish I could say that I’ll stop eating meat from taco trucks. Or deny myself cheese because milk is actually not right for human consumption. But my efforts will be made. In my own way. And that is all I can promise. And you know what? That is good enough for me.

The Tale of Two Browns

So I’ve taken a little blog hiatus. Forgive me. I’m back like Whitney’s new boost in sales. Wait. Too soon? It’s been a weird few weeks. Celebrities are doing what they do best; dying, the entertainment industry is doing what it does best you know, forgetting… (uhmhaichrisbrownisafuckinfdouchebagwhodeservesnothingmorethanapenispoundingbyafewthousandgirlsinstilettosnotafuckinggrammy). I’ve been walking around in hoodies and holding on to my sinus’s for dear life because well the world is ending and winter forget that it was its turn on the season wheel of fortune. So what to do what to do what to do. Ah watch the best of the internet. I givith you media Tuesday:

Now about that weather, this has become my new favorite site at telling me what the fuck it’s like outside (scary) without all of that weatherman bull shit. Seriously do you even need any form of schooling to get that gig? :

Now if the weather isn’t making you crazy apparently dick will. I did not know this being a lesbian and all but really, apparently dick will make you do some cray cray shit. Like what you ask? Like this:


Because most of my readers are lesbians, and that last snippet just did not apply to our lives let me make it up to you real quick.

You are very welcome.

So we all know that SNL is essentially never funny anymore. Seriously it has been YEARS since I got excited to watch an episode. Instead I just head to Hulu every Sunday and watch the top clips. (you know you do the same thing) But something strange happened this weekend. What? SNL was ha-fucking-larious. Also side bar -what the flying fuck was Bill O’Reilly doing on an SNL sound stage? The world really is ending.

Now speaking of the world not being right I brushed over two things before that are both pretty fucking serious, and coincidentally share a common link. Two men with the last name of Brown. Whitney Houston’s death sadly shows us how even the highest can slowly fall and crash land into a place where we never could have imagined. Say what you want but I do think the person who played not only an immense but pivotal role in her demise was Bobby Brown. Anyone who watched their reality show a few years back basically watched what happens when people have way too much money and no one wrangling them in. No one holding them back from making not only fame reducing mistakes but permanent life scars. Fast forward a few years to a new couple. Young, talented, and good looking we were bombarded with images of Chris Brown and Rhianna. And than one night those images became a nightmare. We all had a front seat viewing session as pictures of a freshly beaten up Rhianna surfaced. The Rhianna. Beat up by The Chris Brown. The backlash in Chris’s face was immediate. Radio stations vowed to ban his music. Fans and celebrities alike voiced their hate for Mr. Brown. But like all things in Hollywood the incident was quickly forgotten.

We are an ADD culture after all. Even something as disgusting as abuse can be swept under the rug with a few new club beats. This years Grammys brought Chris Brown back into the spotlight AND gave the douche bag a Grammy. Seriously. Really? That alone was too much for me to handle but than… Oh and what’s this? Rhianna just dropped a remix featuring him? I’m sorry WHAT? This isn’t real. The sane part of my brain doesn’t even know where to begin. I essentially want to personalize apologize to anyone who has ever been subject to abuse. Apologize for the fact that someone who could have turned her horrible experience coupled with her extreme star power into a force to help. Instead she is sending a terribly mixed message to her fans. She is also showing young women exactly who they should not strive to be. I do feel that there is power in both apologies and forgiveness. But this is a situation where forgetting just isn’t an option. Anyone who has the capability to beat someone up once has the ability to do it again. As someone who was brought up as a Quaker, there is no part of me that has any compassion towards those who chose their fists over their words. If Rhianna was your sister would you blast Chris Brown in the car? Would you easily forget what he did because of his celebrity? I don’t think so. Two women permanently affected by the men they chose to love. We can hope that Rhianna will never fall to drugs the way Whitney did but seriously if she can rekindle a relationship with someone who beat the shit out of her how far away is doing a few lines with him? We live in a world where news is old news the minute it happens. But some things need not be forgotten.

We all need to separate the ridiculous of celebrity thinking with how we lead our own lives. Too often do we see celebrities as invincible role models who can do no wrong. This simply is not the case.