Moral Fiber

I’m not directly sure how to address this issue so kindly excuse me if points fail to come together correctly or if I tend to ramble. Or you know I just bug the fuck out because this shit is absolutely ridiculous.

Sophie Von Bayern has taken it upon herself to make a database of gays. Straight up McCarthy communist style. Pictures. Phone numbers. Addresses. Her reasons for this LGBT catalogue? To out these people. To inform their families and employers of their sexual preference, in hopes of getting them fired and ostracized. This is being done without their permission or knowledge.

As of yesterday Tumblr deleted said account.

Now words actually fail me. Oh except for these:
Who the flying fuck does this woman think she is? And where the flying fuck are the Feds? This shit is ILLEGAL. Like super illegal. What right does anyone have to out someone period? Never mind doing it on the Internet for the world to see? AND if that wasn’t bad enough she also has their addresses?!? So if any of these people are killed or hurt she’s going to jail right? HELLO justice system?!? I’m confused. Scratching my head like I’m back in Algebra 2 confused. I’m all for freedom of speech but this is stalking, cyber bullying, CREEPY, and well uhm wrong.

Tumblr’s initial response:

…really guys? How about if a straight man was making a database of newly legal girls. For men to be able to know if their new love interest was indeed not jailbait. Would that be freedom of expression? Or would it be a one way ticket to the big house?


I still have a heart and a brain. I don’t even know why shit like this surprises me anymore. But what does never fail to shock me is the mainstreams sensitivity to straight people. There is nothing to understand. I sleep with girls. I am not mentally defective, I am not different. I do not expect special treatment and I sure as shitI don’t need your pity. What I do need is to be treated like a mother fucking equal. God you don’t need a workshop or a class to fathom who I am. I’m sick of having to think of how straight people may feel. Get the fuck over it or turn the other way. Believe me I don’t want to think about many many people’s sex lives. But I don’t try and make laws to prevent them from existing in this world equally to me.

Outing someone is never ok. Finn got slapped harder than hell fire when he outed Santana on Glee. Rightfully so. It is no ones place but the person coming out to share who they are. It is their moment. There is no feeling that can match the emotions involved with a gay, bi, or trans person coming out. When someone steals that opportunity the damage done is irreversible. I did not choose to be gay or gender queer. But coming into my own and discovering myself was a process that was fundamental to who I am now. I rarely get angry. Frustrated yes. But moments of blind anger are few and far between. I am currently blinded by emotion, disgust, and rage. If by some small chance Ms. Bayern reads this I have a message for you ma’am. Fuck. You. To live with such hate in your heart must be extremely difficult and sad. I am truly sorry that you lead such a hateful life. I am even more sorry that you have opened yourself up to bullying and harassment from those you have chosen to scorn. You will now probably know what it’s like to be a member of the LGBT community. To never know if someone will leave you hate mail or threaten your life walking down the street. It’s a shame that you now will know that life. It’s a shame that you lack common sense and more importantly any ounce of moral fiber. Welcome to the life of being treated as filth. Sideways glances on the street, people talking about you in undertones as you walk into rooms. The difference between you and those you targeted?

We never did anything wrong.


Waiting for the N train last night I thought to myself: has anyone ever fucking lost it waiting for a train? Like just fucking went ape shit after having to wait 45 minutes on a platform with no cell service? And no telling of when a train will actually show up? I’m not exactly sure how the MTA gets away with playing us all so hard. But shit is fucked up. I’d be all “we should occupy the subway” but the thought of being stuck for any longer than usual is just un fathomable.

Alas its Friday and it’s been one long fucking week. The kids are all going crazy for The Hunger Games (uhm hi I never read the book but look at the star) 

I needed something as epic as Harry Potter that wasn’t Twilight. That shit is over right? Like Bella is dead or a vampire or whatever the fuck and the wolf boy is now wolf glue and Rob Pats is idk…biting bitches getting stitches? More importantly. Did you hear? Her highness, I mean JK Rowling, is starting a new series. I could use another line of books that span out across an entire decade. Holla holla hai hai. Speaking of people who will holla for a dolla I watch this video everyday:


Meanwhile you know damn well Red Bull and Mountain Dew are on the phone right now trying to make go-go juice a real thing. Which we all already had as children:

Yeah that’s right. Where the flying fuck did Surge go? For that matter where did all of the fun things from our childhood go? Children’s toys and candy nowadays are poop. Yes I said it. Polly Pocket of the present is the size of a Barbie Doll. Look if your kid was horrible enough to eat someone as lovely as Polly well they deserved not to play with her. Simple mathematics. Speaking of Barbie she now has a camera. That’s uhm kind of little kid creepy.

How is it that when we were younger teens were being stupid and meeting strangers off MySpace (you know those emo children) yet modem day kids are utilizing the Internet to bully the living daylights out of each other? Why you guys so mean? We wanted friends and to be loved, you guys want to be little fuck wads. I blame the absence of crunchy M&M’s and Snapple Rain. 4 Loko has destroyed you.

Enjoy your weekend. Go punt an 8th grader and, be really fucking sad like I am that Tim fucking Tebow is now wearing my white and green. 

Why I’m Scared to Occupy

A little preamble:

Firstly if you didn’t know, The Occupy Wall Street movement in NYC has moved to Union Square. They have been battling the police since this past weekend. Arrests have been made, people have been hurt and wrongly pushed out of the square.

Secondly read this: Trayvon

Now let’s get down with the get down shall we. I’m scared to occupy. Police presence doesn’t make me feel safer, on the contrary it evokes feelings of anger and hatred. Many factors play a role in why I fucking hate cops but the main one is that they seem to have zero sensitivity or training towards the LGBT community. Now before I get emails that are all “my uncles a cop and he loves the gays” I am speaking from my own personal encounters. I do not doubt that there are both cops who are allies and police officers who are themselves gay. But those folk are clearly the minority.

I have been cuffed once here in the city. It was one of the most horrible experiences of my life. A friend and I were arguing outside of a restaurant we had been in. She was a blonde white girl. I am a six foot one gender queer individual who the straight world sees as a man. Would anyone like to guess how this ended? We were both approached at first, but I was quickly pinned up against a wall and told to shut up. Now. If I had been screaming or abusing this girl I would understand this force of action, but the one in the altercation who was yelling was her. Doesn’t matter. I’m black. Doesn’t matter I’m a man. Oh wait I’m not. When the officer realized that I was indeed a female he backed up immediately. How the fuck is this how the public is treated? Tackle first ask questions later?

Had I been arrested that night and brought into central booking god knows what I would have had to deal with. Cops don’t ask trans folk and gender queer individuals what holding cell they would prefer to be in. I am truthfully an honestly scared of these “men in blue”.

Last night a rally took place with hundreds of supporters. The rally was to speak out against the wrongful, horrible, and disgusting murder of Trayvon Martin. Protestors took to the street demanding that police step up and arrest the man who ended Trayvon’s life. That’s right, he has yet to be booked and charged. Everyday tens of Occupy protestors are arrested yet an arrest can’t be made in the murder of an innocent teenager? Are you screaming WHAT THE FUCK yet? Last night the chants focused mainly on the NYPD; and public disgust with them. One of the most popular called police racist, sexist, and anti-gay. Why do police seem to be the last people who want to help? Officers give me the shadiest of all looks when I walk by them, yet I frequently see them flirt with girls. My respect for the police force is at the lowest low. No part of me trusts these people in insuring that my rights as a gender queer are upheld the same as some pretty girls. They see me and those who protest as second class. Ego will destroy you. I hope every cop who is currently floating on his own ego cloud gets the karma he deserves for harming and ignoring the cries of those who need his protection the most.

Love Manifesto

I guess you’ll never understand love if you never realize how to let yourself live in someone else. Reckless are we, these young lovers. I stay up late because I’m always stuck between tomorrow and yesterday. I want everything and nothing to change. I am not patient but I am in no hurry. In bouts of pure anxiety I hear only my heart and I wonder: how could anyone love me? Are we here to discover or are we here to speak out against the world we throw our fists against. We will never be our parents; our worlds rotate further away everyday. I fear nothing more than stability. I get lost in repetition. So where will love find me? Everlasting is what the stories say. Well we know nothing but change.

The Thing About Strippers

Hot girls throwing themselves at you. If we stopped right there I think 80% of the people who read my blog would be in all kinds of lesbian heaven. Now let’s add to that sentence shall we. Hot girls throwing themselves at you for money. You still cool with it? What is a girl to do about strippers?

Should strippers be ostracized as sluts? As girls with daddy issues crying out for a mans attention? Or should they be seen as women who are using the idiocy of men, who think with their dicks and making bank off them?

I have a stripper problem.

No not in the I get lost inside the dark rooms of strip clubs and am up to my nose in lapdance fees and secretly always have to worry that some guy named Tony no thumbs is going to come and break my neck for running out on my tab…too real? I liked it. But I digress. I do have a stripper problem. The problem is I don’t know how I feel about them. I know that my bachelorette party won’t include them because personally strippers kinda skeeve me out. Not so much because they wear nothing and do things to poles that would make a fireman forget how to put out a fire, but because I hate the idea of having to pay anyone to like me.

Somehow in my head I’ve managed to separate prostitutes, go go dancers, and strippers. Prostitutes fall into the O HELL NO slot. Go go dancers fall into the well if they’re at the party it ain’t gonna stop me from going slot. And strippers well strippers have me stumped. There really isn’t that much that separates a go go dance from a stripper. A few inches of skin and a tad more contact. Lesbian parties as of late have celebrated go go dancers. Are we becoming men? Or do we think that because we are women who love women the introduction of a go go dancer to a party is forward thinking?

Let’s be real. There is a large part of the lesbian community who act like men. I am not talking about trans men or gender queer individuals, I am talking about good ol’ fashioned lesbians. These ladies act like the dudes we all hate. Frat boy dykes. They take on everything that is gross about the worst men and somehow turn it into everything a girl is looking for. Now clearly only very specific ladies go for these FBD’s but these girls get ass. Now these chicks are usually the ones flirting with go go dancers, throwing money at them and drooling over them like me looking at a 5 Guys burger. Is this progress? Is this what our lesbian forefathers saw as where we would be in 2012?

Go go dancers do not offend me. In straight bars and clubs these girls are by no means allowed to be touched. It’s in the lesbian party scene where these lines are blurred. If we are for the most part ok with dancers at parties, what is it that makes so many of us detest strippers so much?

Let’s put it in this light. What if you needed to make money quick. You didn’t have mommy and daddy paying for school and you needed to pay off your student loans. You pick up a few nights at a strip club. Is that really that horrible? Is it? Part of me is like well no, and the other part of me is like EW NASTY ASS MEN. What if it was a female owned, lesbian clientele strip club? Than would your thoughts change? How about if that same girl decided to become a dominatrix? Would you shudder with disgust than?

I have met many a lesbian who do Dom work in their spare time. I wasn’t even phased when told. Was it the difference in power roles that made me ok with dominatrix work? The fact that the woman was in charge? Yet is she really? She is still being payed by a man to do what he wants.

I sit and I question these things, because I know one day I will have kids and these questions will arise. Before that I know I will be invited to party after party each one looking for the new wow factor. And as I stand there with all of my friends, in a room full of women I will wonder if we all are turning into the men we hate.

It’s About to Get Better

So I’ve decided that the time has come for me to step outside of the writing arena and into the world of online videos. Dun dun dunnn. Yes this pretty gender queer face is about to come at ya loud and proud and I’m kicking things off with something that means a lot to me; the It Gets Better project.

I love being part of the LGBT community. I love standing up to homophobes, and politicians that want to deny us rights. I love feeling like I’m a part of an exclusive club. One filled with so many strong and courageous voices. We all got to where we are today after years of struggling with who we were. Question after question until we realized hey this is who I am and hell I’m really fucking ok with it.

As we all know being young and gay, or questioning our gender, or thinking we were anything outside of the heternormative wasn’t the easiest thing. I want to tell my story. I want to share it with each of you and with kids across the country who can’t come out and express who they truly are yet.

I need one thing from all of you though. This is easy queens so listen up. Take a picture of yourself holding up a sign (piece of paper, index card) saying: I support you. You can jazz it up, kiss it, glitter bomb it whatever. Just make the words clear. After you’re done taking in your best image email it to me. Dats it. Easy as pie. And not just any pie. Gay pie.

What Up Jesus? It’s Gender Speaking.

So I’m currently in the process of writing my admissions essay for The New School. I’m writing about gender because you know, I’m an expert. Kidding. But gender is something that I think about constantly. Gender is something that plays a very influential role in my life. So you’re like well duh gender is important to everyone. And I’m like yeah I know but I’m trying to get my gender out there. I go to public bathrooms and I see a little stick figure in a dress and little stick figure with no pants (yeah whats up with that?) anywhoot. I look at two doors and I’m told to decide. I pee sitting down. Cuz you know I gots girl parts. But since I cut off all my hair and started wearing guys clothes, society sees me one way: as a dude. So what’s a Nina to do?

Now back to that essay, I’m writing about how ancient cultures/societies such as the Greeks were totally about there being more than just two genders. Why does modern Western society choose to ignore this?

Gender discussion usually goes hand in hand with talking about gay rights. Those who seem to have the biggest problem with gays have the same problem with those seeking more out of gender. Seeing as those who scream the loudest about both are conservative religious lez talk about them for a hot second eh? We all know one of the biggest hata’s of the gays are the church. But it has always seemed like to me that the church’s inability to recognize gays as equal citizens because of the bibles teachings seems like more than a cope out. It seems like the opinion of a few who are simply homophobic speaking much louder than gays and their allies, thus influencing those who would normally not have seen gay rights as anything different than the rights all citizens are naturally given.

The Bible never directly states that being gay is wrong. It does say a bunch of other really fucked up shit though that oddly we don’t seem to follow today because you know IT’S FUCKED UP. Save for Rick Santorum. That guy is all about the old school Bible ways. He be sippin the kool aide hard.

I have been told from an early age to respect my elders. That looking into the past can provide clues and answers to problems that may arise in the future. This way of thinking that is in many ways based on a biblical teachings and morales is often ignored when it comes to standing up for the rights of homosexuals and others represented in the acronym LGBT. If we were to look into our past we would see that LGBT people were not always ostracized for their sexual preferences. That gods were seen as figures that transcended gender. Most notably the Greek god Hermaphrodites – who is shown in sculpture as having a women’s body and dressing in women’s clothing but having male genitalia. It is from this god that we get the term hermaphrodite. Cultures dating back to the Maya show more than two genders. So why is it that what our ancestors could accept thousands of years ago we can’t accept now? What form of understanding did we lose as we moved forward as a culture? As a human race? Is it simply the fear tactics that some from the conservative right have pushed into the mainstream that has silenced out the innate human ability of acceptance? You hate what you are taught to.

Michelangelo was gay. His artwork is some of the most revered and treasured on Earth. Are we supposed to ignore that? Are Catholics who enter the chapels and churches that he painted supposed to look on with interest yet cast judgement on who he chose to go to bed with?

The GOP this election has shown us how far they are willing to go to treat gays as second class citizens. I can’t even imagine what the repercussions will be for trans people and those who choose to ignore the gender binary. You are born into a body you had no say about, at a time you did not select, to parents whom you did not choose. You grew into the person you are today, and no matter who that person is, you deserve every human right.

You are who you are and if you’re living your life the best you can that is all that will ever fucking matter. Mythology talks about gender as if it were nothing. As if it were fun, something that should be played with. Ancient texts show us that even warriors had lovers of the same sex. Acceptance did happen on this planet once before. There’s no reason that it can’t happen again in our lifetime.