Waiting for the N train last night I thought to myself: has anyone ever fucking lost it waiting for a train? Like just fucking went ape shit after having to wait 45 minutes on a platform with no cell service? And no telling of when a train will actually show up? I’m not exactly sure how the MTA gets away with playing us all so hard. But shit is fucked up. I’d be all “we should occupy the subway” but the thought of being stuck for any longer than usual is just un fathomable.

Alas its Friday and it’s been one long fucking week. The kids are all going crazy for The Hunger Games (uhm hi I never read the book but look at the star) 
De.Lic.Ous.

I needed something as epic as Harry Potter that wasn’t Twilight. That shit is over right? Like Bella is dead or a vampire or whatever the fuck and the wolf boy is now wolf glue and Rob Pats is idk…biting bitches getting stitches? More importantly. Did you hear? Her highness, I mean JK Rowling, is starting a new series. I could use another line of books that span out across an entire decade. Holla holla hai hai. Speaking of people who will holla for a dolla I watch this video everyday:

America.

Meanwhile you know damn well Red Bull and Mountain Dew are on the phone right now trying to make go-go juice a real thing. Which we all already had as children:

Yeah that’s right. Where the flying fuck did Surge go? For that matter where did all of the fun things from our childhood go? Children’s toys and candy nowadays are poop. Yes I said it. Polly Pocket of the present is the size of a Barbie Doll. Look if your kid was horrible enough to eat someone as lovely as Polly well they deserved not to play with her. Simple mathematics. Speaking of Barbie she now has a camera. That’s uhm kind of little kid creepy.

How is it that when we were younger teens were being stupid and meeting strangers off MySpace (you know those emo children) yet modem day kids are utilizing the Internet to bully the living daylights out of each other? Why you guys so mean? We wanted friends and to be loved, you guys want to be little fuck wads. I blame the absence of crunchy M&M’s and Snapple Rain. 4 Loko has destroyed you.

Enjoy your weekend. Go punt an 8th grader and, be really fucking sad like I am that Tim fucking Tebow is now wearing my white and green. 

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