Nutter Butter

She took up anywhere from 3 months to 3 years you’re damaged, you’re confused, in the back of your mind all you keep thinking is “but she was so god.damn.pretty” None of your friends were nice enough to fill you in fully. They were too scared. Here are some signs that chickita is loco:

Your friends have kept on hanging out together but somehow your invite never got to you.

Shit. Changes.
You suddenly have a bunch of new hobbies (hers) and your old ones seem really stupid. “Like grow up already.” Its cool. Totally. It was time to expand your horizons. And man. Is. She. Hot.

You’ve always been a meat eater but being a vegan is totally better for the environment (your sanity). You’re too hungry to even have sex. You buy some Power Bars and get over it. You’re pooping sawdust. But. Its. Cool. Because. She’s so. Hot.

You’ve heard it. We’ve all heard it. The crazies like to hang out. All. The. Time.
There is never EVER enough US time. She is always constantly forever asking “What.about.me!?!?” So you make time. Because. She’s so. Hot.

You don’t think of her first because you want to you think of her first because you HAVE to. Because she may stab you if youfuckup. But its cool. Because. She’s so. Hot.

You had to change names in your phone. Because any other girl is clearly trying to get in your pants. You now have 10 entries for Grandma. Its totally ok that you have no idea who you’re texting. Its fine. Really. Because. She’s so. Hot.

Your music taste? What music taste. Her music is obviously better. Why? Dude its because she’s so hot.

She watches you while you sleep.
(laugh it up, this shit is hilarious, until its not) But its totally ok. Waking up to her enlarged pupils beaming down on your head is fine. Because damn she’s so fucking hot.

Friends. You gotta let a kid know. Chances are current friend dating hot wackadoo will protest at first. They will kick and scream and be all “you are SO wrong you don’t know her like I do” Be kind at first for they have been abused. And than. Slowly. Bring out the big guns. Make a Venn Diagram. Bust out a pie chart. Turn all Intervention and write a letter of hope. In the instance where the girl is just too hot, your friend is so used to the burn that they’ve simply developed a tougher skin. Don’t. Give. Up. The time shall come when we all need to be saved. It can’t be done alone. Because. She’s too. Hot.

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