Pump Your Breaks

Today is quite frankly the saddest day on the scale of the saddest sad sad ever. I know that doesn’t make any sense, but I am beside myself with grief and therefore can not articulate words. I haven’t been this sad since I realized Harry Potter was like, actually over and that there was no chance of me continuing my almost life long fantasy of being drunk on the subway one night, leaning casually on a wall, and crash landing through platform 9 and 3/4’s. Look. WE ALL HAVE OUR DREAMS. But seriously. Some shit has just gone down.

“U.S. transportation safety regulators shut down more than two dozen bus companies that predominantly run popular curbside “Chinatown” routes along the East Coast.”

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CHEAPLY GET ACROSS THE EAST COAST? HUH?!? I know that there is still Megabus and Bolt and all of that, but sometimes I like a little risk in my ride. Sometimes I like to randomly just take a trip up to Boston. And when I do I want to get there in 3 hours, 40oz in hand, blasting Journey. (again stop your judging) How the hell am I supposed to play Russian bus Roulette now?

Ok I get that Chinatown busses aren’t exactly the safest…I mean you would probably do better hitching a ride with Paris Hilton (I hear she travels with both blunts and coke so you know you’d feel all Biggie Smalls goes Beverley Hills). First 4 Loko, now my Chinatown whips? God now I’m going to have to start doing bath salts.

Are you crying?
I seriously just read an article about how Greyhound is benefiting from Chinatowns loss. I yelped. Fuck Greyhound. A trip that costs me $12 on a Chinatown bus costs a steep $70 on the Hound of Grey. God! And they were just getting WIFI.

I’d love to wish you a happy weekend. But clearly all happiness in the world has been sucked into the black hole of “safety regulations”. Fuck. That. Shit.

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