God Save …

So I’m watching the Queens Jubilee. And I’m just confused as to what the fuck goes on in England. Maybe because America is so new of a country that the whole royalty thing makes no sense to us. But I mean we did LEAVE England in the first place to get away from the whole system.

And yet I watched as everyone went bat shit for Kate and William. Girls wanted to fucking be her. Guys were like shit, our future wedding just skyrocketed in price AND this basic ring is absolutely not going to cut it. And I was just like ellipses ellipses ELLIPSES?!?

Seriously. What. Goes. On. In. England?

I understand that The Royals represent this life that is pure fairy tale. And as kids who all grew up drinking the Disney Kool Aid seeing our cartoons brought to real life is the biggest mind fuck. Seriously. And then, after you read about the royal families history you’re kind of like shit and I thought my family was fucked up.

It is mind bending that these people get to tra la la dum de dum play polo, ride in ceremonial parades, travel the world, and wave and smile pretty because they got lucky enough to be born into the most exclusive gated community that has ever existed. In case you missed it they aren’t allowed to ever work.

You know what else the Royals can’t do?

1. Play Monopoly. Because handling fake money and losing it all could seriously fuck up a young royal.

2. Eat mollusks. Because you could get food poisoning and die.

3. Sign ANYTHING. Don’t even bother asking for that autograph.

4. Once the Queen stops eating you do too. The end no questions asked.

5. You can’t vote. Ever.

I mean it’s kind of cool. Like I’d be a princess for a day (shut up). But letsbereal, it’s also ridiculous. I love old suits of arms and dresses Queens of yesteryear wore. But, it seems crazy that this system still exists. All of the wealth concentrated in one family. It is a tad sickening. Maybe I don’t get it because I’m some dumb American…but I’m kind of happy I don’t ever have to realistically say the words “God Save the Queen”.


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