A Scratch on the Typewriter

If it was meant to be it would be
But if I make it happen well then what then
A savage to a few hearts admittedly so
Admittedly foe
Claimed a few casualties
While learning who I was
Shot without a gun
I know it still burned
But my brain is not a place that deals with ration
The waves overflow themselves with passion
But that passion is merely candles flame
Dance until the wax drips down
Or until a breeze gusts past
A breeze of the past
The smell of every mistake
The memories that no matter how hard I bend them manage to still take and flake
And they linger
A paper cut on a well worked finger
Still I build with the wind that I breathe from within
It lights that candle
But the flame always burns
But I guess that is life
A break followed by lessons learned
Maybe love bringing hope
But usually ultimately
We are all in constant states of rebuilding
Forever rising

A paper cut chasing down fire
A burn welcoming a burn
I lift my eyes to skies that wrinkle in time
I shift my views to street signs
To broken glass and concrete well past due for construction
Attempts at “making it new”
But cracks and crevices are home
You feel for what you’ve always known
You feel for it because it has become a part of you
The past is in you and has seeped into all of the misplaced bricks on misshaped paths
Those blades of unplanned grass
Jutting through

A typewriter puts you in a chokehold
Your mistake will glare back at you as you question why your hands and brain simply can not get it together enough to communicate
Replace it with technology
That corrects you before you even knew you were wrong
Perfection that you did not attain for yourself
Imperfect you still sit
Your brain at a typewriter
While your hands punch at a keyboard of security

There is a place for mistakes
A place for learning
For heart wrenching heartache
Scars we aren’t born with
But mine I hold close
Scars are how I fucked up
Came back to life
To scars and typewriters
I toast


Regina George Is Not A Valid Idol

I’m not going to pretend that I know everything about everything. Or that I don’t make mistakes or have never been an asshole. But I have learned over the years. I have changed. And furthermore, most importantly, this is my blog. So for right now, I am the only sheriff in town.

Let’s talk for a moment. Have I been uninformed? Is something wrong? Are people’s AC’s not working properly? Because frankly there has been a lot of crap going on. A lot of selfishness. And a lot of shit talking. Let me be clear:

There is no vindication in talking shit.
There is no gain in spewing hate.

You get what you give off. When you walk into a room people can feel your energy. Your energy and your demeanor will 9 times out of 10 determine how your interactions will go. The ego is a ridiculous thing. It needs to be fed. Stroked. But more importantly it needs to be managed. You should have an admiration for you. But that admiration must come with humility. Because if and when it doesn’t you are essentially sucking your own dick. The more you’re in you’re own head masturbating to your amazingness the less time you are spending trying to get to know and understand others. You’re cutting yourself short, and quite frankly you won’t even realize it.

More importantly you’re putting yourself in a position of loss. A position to lose. The friendships and relationships you could be building you are instead cutting short. Simply put: You lose. And being a loser is well. No fun. Or as Ricky Bobby put it “If you’re not number one you’re last.”

Too often do I see people broadcast jealousy. Now jealousy has it place amongst all other feelings -it can be healthy and it can be extremely unhealthy. It is not always a bad thing, but like anything too much of it is destructive. What you have to personally realize is that you are dead last when you allow jealous angst to materialize and manifest into hate.

If you are alive, you have been put through some struggle. You have known some heartache, betrayal, love…you are human. You feel. Too often do we allow our pasts to dictate who we are and how we are allowed to treat people. There is nothing in your past or presence that gives you the headway to treat people like or make them feel like shit.

For those who wish to remain miserable I honestly wish that you would invest in a diary. Social networking has made it way too easy to broadcast messages of both hate and superiority. My news feed on Facebook often looks like The Burn Book from Mean Girls. And unlike Mean Girls I can’t throw you anyone in front of a bus so…

We need to look to ourselves more often. Inside ourselves. Too much time is spent on blaming other people for things. Expecting for them to change. And when they don’t, we feel defeat. You know who you can change? Yourself. And isn’t that really more important than someone else?