The Best You

I want nothing more than to live in a world where people don’t feel like they need to go under serious acts of medical adjustment to become who they want to be. This goes from people getting cosmetic plastic surgery, to people feeling as though they need to remove body parts to fit into societies boxes easier. Sometimes, we are born with something that we look at on our body as a tumor. As something that never was supposed to be there. In instances like that the medical world becomes a god send. For a little girl who was born and grew up thinking of herself as nothing but a boy in the wrong skin, the fact that the modern world of science can make the adjustments that will make them the person that they were always meant to be, that is truly beautiful.

Trends can make people do some very stupid, often permanent adjustments to their bodies. How many times have you seen a ridiculously ugly tattoo or a haircut on someone who should have just left well and good alone? A boob job that simply was way too much, a face lift that looks like absolute hell? We all search for acceptance. To either blend in with a community or to be the highlight of one. We are a generation that is constantly connected. We bond over inside jokes whose origins exist on Tumblrs and blogs. I look around and see myself surrounded by highly educated young folk. Most of us see falling in love and getting married as something our parents did. We instead crave education, we live for a constant influx of knowing. Many of us are on a constant hunt for getting to the core of who we actually are. Of challenging the rules we all grew up being told we had to follow. So why is it that we still find such a hard time with individuality. Why in communities that are supposed to be more understanding and accepting than any other are people ostracized for their sexuality or gender preference?

There are certain letters of the LGBT that are on a much higher podium than the others. I will exclude the G for right now because I’m not highly versed on the life of gay men (go figure). So let us focus on the LB and T. So. The way I see it, the L is quite separate from the B and T. The B has always had to go through some serious shit from the L and T. The gay community treats bisexuals like lepers. For as many “horrible bisexuals” that I’ve met I’ve encountered about ten more “lesbian pieces of shit”. Your sexual orientation doesn’t negate what kind of person you are, that is all on you. If you lack a sense commitment it doesn’t matter who you’re fucking. So moving on. I think because of the serious scrutiny many a bisexual person has had to face many (those who spend more time in the gay world than the straight one) have taken to the much more accepted term: queer. Being bisexual makes you undateable being queer on the other hand shows that you are in touch, that you have taken a gender studies class. That you’re “in”.

On the same side of that coin, trans people have often been the victims of hate from both the hetero and homo community. Straight people who have not been educated about the trans world simply don’t get it. While lesbians don’t accept trans men because they are after all men and a man entering an all feminine space is after all an intruder.

I hear you. I hear you right now after reading that line. You’re saying THAT IS NOT TRUE. I love trans men. And I’m going to say no, YOU love the gender fuck out at the bar who presents as a trans person BUT has absolutely no commitment to actually transitioning. In fact if we revisit that person in 5 years they very well may have grown their hair back and *gasp* may have started wearing women’s clothing again.

Now to say that there aren’t queer female bodied folks out there who do indeed love and date trans men would be a lie. I know many. But. I do also know a bevy of women who date gender queer indiviuals who because it is trendy like to call themselves trans. But well. Aren’t.

It takes an extreme amount of courage for someone to come out to the world as trans. It shows an amazing sense of “this is who I am and whether or not you accept me is not going to make or break me”. That is why it angers me that non trans folk seem to think its cool to say that they are. It isn’t. Actually, it’s kind of disrespectful. Expecially when you take into account all of the shit trans people have to go through day to day. If you dress one way when you go out to the bars knowing it will get you laid and another way when you go to the office. Well. My respect for you has lowered.

So either you’ve gotten to this point and want to high five me or shoot me. I’m sorry if you disagree and I’d like to know how you feel. But this is how I feel. So allow me to continue.

Society has decided to put us all into boxes. Girl. Boy. Gay. Straight. Lesbian. Trans. What society does not allow for are those who may kinda sorta fit into a box but also fit into another. Often if we want to live a life that allows for us to have friends and to fall in line we have to pick a box and roll with it. Of course there are a handful of truly wonderful people who live for constant expression and change. Who thrive on being able to constantly evolve and learn about others transitions. And then there are those who swear their creating change, yet are really just going along with what the majority is doing. And you know what? Sometimes that is a ok, but it’s not ok when you are following a very confused majority.

It has taken me years to figure out that I exist as gender queer. I have read and read and read. I have reached into myself.

Who the fuck am I? I stand naked in front of the mirror now and laugh. All day, everyone has referred to me using male pronouns. I look back at my reflection and what do I see? I see a tattoo’d gender fuck. I have breasts and a pussy. I’ll get dressed, sometimes with a pack, sometimes not. I will go back out into society and those who don’t know me will say: “Have a nice day, sir.” “Kid how old are you?” etc etc. And you know what? 90% of the time, I fucking love it. I am whoever the fuck I want to be at any moment.

We all have the Internet. If I want Xanax, I go online and determine what symptoms I need to tell a psychiatrist and boom. I have Xanax. If I have always been a tomboy, and start hanging out with a bunch of queermos in Brooklyn, girls who are calling themselves trans. I may start to see myself that way as well. I will see how girls respond to me. I will think that being trans is what I have always missed about myself. I will start trying to figure out how I can start going on this drug everyone keeps talking about – T. I will tell my liberal parents and together we will go down the road to my transitioning. The T will kick in and I will start dealing with all of the emotions that go along with it, and then I will realize. Shit. I didn’t want this.

Do you hear what I’m saying? You need to get in touch with you for the good of you to figure out what makes YOU happy. You do not need to use medical tools to be a person who will simply fit in better. YOU are better than that.

Humans grow, as time goes by we have no choice. We will meet a million people, that will impact our lives in a trillion different ways. We will look in the mirror sometimes and want to punch ourselves in the face. We will blame our parents for our genes. We will compare ourselves to our friends, to celebrities, and go to bed hoping for something different; for anything but this. What you have to realize is the same cliche bull shit you have always heard the older generations in our lives say. You are the most beautiful you. Some of us were truly born in the wrong body. Some of us do have certain physical or mental conditions that we will always have to carry with us. There is always a quick way out. There is always space for a rash decision to be made. And you know why? Because to make a rash decision it actually requires no space at all. With my Iphone in my hand I have the capacity to literally do anything. I can buy a plane ticket, I can rent an apartment, I can make a million doctors appointments, I can destroy someone on Twitter or Facebook.
We have so much power, and sometimes I feel like it overwhelms us. Actually, I know it does. You live this life once and you must live it to the fullest. Whatever the fuck that means for you. IF you are living this life while asking yourself constantly: what will _____ think? You my friend are living this life wrong.

You may wake up one morning and want to be a kangaroo only to wake up the next day resounding that you are actually the reincarnation of Biggie Smalls. That is the gorgeous thing about life. For the past few years I have been comfortable dressing as a man. Who is to say that in a year from now I may decide to rock a more feminine ensemble. WHO FUCKING CARES? Society may. But you know what? You shouldn’t. Easier said than done? Absolutely. Possible? You better believe it.

Don’t make any changes that you can’t one day reverse. And if you do make damn sure that 20 years from now you’ll still be just as happy as the day you did it.

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