The Shane Complex

Every so often I do what every lesbian under the age of 45 does (no not go cruising at Cubby Hole). I watch a few hours (entire season) of The L Word. And as I’ve gotten older, and dated more I’ve come to the conclusion that almost every girl I’ve ever encountered bears a startling resemblance to a character on The L Word. No character has been seen more in the non fiction world than Shane.

I’ve decided to call this The Shane Complex. Shane Syndrome, Hot Mess, The Asshole Mantra, and Cold Hearted but Not So Cold Hot Heart Breaking Will Leave You in Shambles Disaster, were other working titles. Shane McCutcheon is the reason why so many lesbians think it’s ok to act like fucking children when it comes to dating. The Shane Complex is also responsible for a league of I Will Tolerate and Save You lesbians to emerge. They love their Shane’s. They allow them to keep on keeping on.

Assholes will be assholes. Assholes will always have girls in line to fuck them or a girlfriend, whichever they prefer. Assholes at least in the lesbian community are hot. Because they are confident, they aren’t worried about getting hurt, they are carefree and fuck obsessed. They are players and they love the game, because simply put they will always find Carmen’s, Paige’s, and (wince) Jenny’s. Girls (who aren’t Shane’s are maternal. They want to take care of something, of someone, enter good old fuck up The Shane.

There are more gays on tv than ever before. But as far as lesbians go our TV role models fucking suck. Almost every more masculine lesbian, queer, boi etc has had a fucked up past. Growing up I looked at Shane as someone who had been through it all, yet still landed on her feet with awesome friends and really really hot fucking girls. Yeah she crashed hard sometimes (that whole BMW Sherry Gaffe binge) but seriously girl was usually a ok. All of her problems were self made look at is this way: Shane is a fuck up. Shane knows she’s a fuck up. Shane still gets what she wants whilst still being a fuck up. Shane sees no need to change.

I am not a “femme” or “lipstick” or “power bottom” lesbian. I can’t pretend to know what their struggles are like I only know what mine have been like. Being gender queer or any form of visually male representation will get you in some trouble in the heternormative world. Girls are supposed to dress as such. So even if you are a big old lesbian as long as you’re in a dress lea just say you get to avoid a few issues. Now because of all of the shit I hear, have heard, and still hear I have a tendency to get a bit of an I don’t give a fuck attitude. This attitude crosses into many facets of my life. You see anger will show itself in many different ways. I can’t generalize but I would say that as a whole my trans, queer, and more tomboy looking friends have dealt with a lot and so no matter what smile is on their face when they’re at the bar trying to figure out who they haven’t fucked deep down they are going through some shit. Shit that 9 out of 10 of them aren’t planning on dealing with anytime soon, so to any new female suitor that comes along, well…sorry.

Shane was our role model growing up. Think about what every girl fell in love with about Shane on The L Word. We all try to embody that. Sweet, but ultimately unloveable, yet you will (for some reason) love this person more than anyone you ever have, possibly ever will. The Shane trap.

Shane never really had to face the person she was. You would see glimmers of hope, like when she got all Dad like with Paige and her brother but one reoccurring theme always came back to haunt her “people always let you down.” Which yes is true kind of, except Shane pretty much always had something to do with the letting down. Karma will also always, inevitably come back to get you. The Shane Punishment.

There is something about a puppy that will draw ridiculous amounts of attention. No, not just the fact that it’s cute, but because it needs you. Who doesn’t like to feel needed? A Shane resembles a puppy at first. But unlike puppies, who grow up into equally as needy dogs Shane’s stay puppies who well, become reptiles. An animal who will depend on you for food but otherwise remain withdrawn and cold. (lesbians I just had to bite every inch of my tongue to not use a cat but I don’t want to hear about how lovely cats actually are so I went with a pet I know most of you don’t have or give a flying fuck about)

The L Word, love it or hate it, has shaped an entire generations way of thinking. None of the characters made as much of an impact on real life behavior like Shane has. We all hate Jenny Schecter because well she’s Jenny Schecter, but for some reason most of us are a ok with Shane. Yes we all will admit she’s a dick. But she’s charming, she can be sweet, and she exudes confidence that most people couldn’t even dream of carrying on them at all points in time. Shane represents the complexity of someone who you know has been through it all, will put you through it all, yet somehow something about them will make you fall in love. So what is Shane? Who are all of us who grew up in her shadow? Do we all need to grow the fuck up? Or because of the cards we were dealt have an infinite number of get out of jail free cards? Jenny got pushed off a balcony for being such a scum bag. (BY BETTE BY BETTE I DONT CARE WHAT YOU SAY IT WAS BETTE)

But the worst thing to happen to Shane? I mean her shop got burned down but like whatever, Shane always seemed to be able to pluck money off her magic money tree. We all grew up watching her slide right on by all the time. So why shouldn’t everyone try this lifestyle? Peter Pan (who was always played by an androgynous woman coincidence I think not) wanted to stay young forever. He snuck into Wendy’s room and asked her to come away with him. To a land of Lost Boys (Metropolitan) where there were pirates waiting (ex girlfriends) but regardless of their presence Peter Pan and his boys were going to get down and act like children for the rest of their goddamn lives. And Wendy? She goes home because she’s like Peter this was fun and you’re cute and all but this shit is cray cray.

So. Blame both Disney and Ilene Chaiken the next time you get stuck with Shane The Lost Boi -see what I did there?

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