All Bisexuals Have Cooties & As a Lesbian I Can’t Afford to Catch Them

Who do you hate?
If you’re a lesbian. You hate bisexuals. Why? Because they’re all skank ass whores. Obviously. Because its not like lesbians are commitment-a-phobes. It’s not like lesbians cheat on their significant others. It’s not like lesbians ever do anything wrong ever because lesbians are all inherently cat loving knitters of good put on this Earth to do nothing more but have pot lucks and live in co-operative living spaces. You’re queer? Let’s date. You’re bi? Why on earth would you choose to date men and women, you selfish slut?

Hold up. What. Has a bisexual ever done to you? Or rather what has a bisexual person done to you, that a gay person hasn’t? If you have the capacity to cheat, it doesn’t matter what sex you prefer. You’re just a douchebag.

There is some serious bisexual shaming and hating going down. And as someone who has to often deal with lesbians hating on my gender expression I sympathize. I have puzzled over, for quite a long time why lesbians/queer identified people hate bisexuals so so so very much. I think the ultimate reasoning is: Because a bi person likes both penis and vagina they will never be able to pick one or the other and ultimately always be shitty partners. They are individuals who can’t make up their minds and will fuck you over.

But like…hear me out here…If you’re queer and are attracted to both trans men and femme lesbians doesn’t that kind of sort of make you bi? At least more bi than say a lesbian who only dates other lesbians right? …kinda?

If someone who is bisexual wants to date or have multiple partners of different genders, what makes them so different than a straight or gay person who is polyamorous?

I have dated a few bisexual women. Each falls on different ends of the spectrum; from very gay to pretty straight with gay tendencies. One of my exs felt she was entitled to still have relationships with men, while dating me. To her, her bisexuality meant that she could play the field even while in a committed relationship. At the time (this was a few years ago) I swore to myself that I would never date another bisexual girl again. But then I came to realize I have a multitude of lesbian friends who feel entitled to the same damn thing. They’ll shamelessly flirt with, or in some cases hook up with other girls then their actual partners. Your sexuality isn’t the factor steering you towards making bad decisions. Your fucking brain is.

For me, now the only problem I encounter when dating someone who I know swings both ways isa fear that I won’t be good enough. That they’ll eventually tire of female bodied individuals and need a man again. As gender fucking fucktabulous as I may be, I don’t have a real dick. I don’t have chest hair (happy for that one thank you very much). I can’t legal marry in practically every fucking state. If we want kids it’s gonna be through some science shit or adoption method…I’m just not a dude. So there’s this feeling in me that’s like: You’re gonna get sick of this whole “being gay” thing find a man to marry and have 2.5 kids and move to Westchester (das it). I get all 8th grade dance scared. I’ll own that. But I no longer wince when a girl tells me she sometimes fucks dudes.

If you are a girl who sometimes, or often times fucks dudes and also like to get down with the ladies leheim to you miss.

People gonna hate. Because, people who do hate ain’t got shit else to do BECAUSE all of the good people they could be hanging out with, actually hate them. Because they: suck.

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13 thoughts on “All Bisexuals Have Cooties & As a Lesbian I Can’t Afford to Catch Them

  1. My girlfriend (who is bi) recently told me, during my bout of penis-less paranoia, “you have a super power that no man has…you can change the size of your package.”

    Thank you Babeland.

  2. “Your sexuality isn’t the factor steering you towards making bad decisions. Your fucking brain is.”< This. ❤

  3. You’re right, bi-sexual ‘hating’ definitely stems from some sort of fear. I stay clear of bi-sexual women because of diseases. I’m not foolish enough to believe all lesbians are disease free, or that every ‘bi-sexual’ woman has one. It may sound ignorant, but it’s just how I feel. I also share your feelings, in that they will eventually tire of my female body and want a man. *shrugs*

    1. Re: Your last sentence – WHY is this the thought process? If you’re with ANYONE for long enough, you’ll get sick of something. If I’m with someone, I’ll probably get sick of their flat ass or spare tire before I’ll get sick of their genitals and my Bi-Hormones go raging for a different category of crotch!

      1. That’s not always true SnarkyB, there was a time when people didn’t get “sick of something”. There are couples gay, straight, queer whatever that don’t tire of their lover. Those couples maybe far and few between, but they exist. Either way, I understand what you’re trying to say.

      2. My point was that you get sick of something – not enough to leave, but the honeymoon period doesn’t last forever with anyone. (You may get sick of the way they argue or snore or whatever)… That’s all I’m saying. Just… as a bi woman, I’m, so sick of that being people’s problem with it. There are so many legitimate conversations that could happen around bisexuality, that’s just such a useless distraction and invalid concern in my mind. I think it’s especially insulting when people give it as a reason to not date someone. There was an article (http://www.clutchmagonline.com/2013/02/should-women-looking-to-marry-consider-bisexual-men/comment-page-11/) where a lot of the comments (from straight black women I think) were “oooh no I’d never date a bisexual man. I’d always be worried that he wanted to be with a man too” like…. really? That doesn’t happen with straight men? You don’t worry he wants someone 5 years younger? That’s like me saying “I’d never date a white man, i’d always be worried that he’d be wishing he was with a white woman.”
        That thinking isn’t unheard of either but it’s all just incredibly useless…

        and it fucking hurts my dating prospects and is salting my game, so cut it out everyone.

  4. You’re right, bi-sexual ‘hating’ definitely stems from some sort of fear. I stay clear of bi-sexual women because of diseases. I’m not foolish enough to believe all lesbians are disease free, or that every ‘bi-sexual’ woman has one. It may sound ignorant, but it’s just how I feel. I also share your feelings, in that they will eventually tire of my female body and want a man. *shrugs*

  5. Since you brought it out of the vault: I’m both genderqueer and pansexual, and let me tell you, you are perfectly fantabulous enough just as you are to snag a pansexual and keep them from ever needing a fill-in-the-blank-gender-of-someone-not-your-gender again. And, I will never move to Westchester. There’s no going back. Goddess forbid!

  6. I hate hate hate hate the stereotype that because you’re bi you like to sleep around a lot. Just because I like the men and the women does not mean I like to juggle them about in a sexual circus act. I’m a commitment type of person and always have been.
    In other news, I ended up married to a man living in Westchester with a baby. Westchester is the WORST PLACE IN THE WHOLE WORLD SAVE ME. But if I had fallen in love with a woman and married her I would have been just as happy – the penis isn’t what makes me happy by any stretch of the imagination (they aren’t as amazing as men want you to think they are) the person is. Well, except when I want to kill him. What?
    Also, I’m enjoying your blog a lot. Which is saying something because I never ever ever ever read blogs.

  7. As a lesbian who will not date bisexual women, I have my own legitimate reason: I am simply turned off by the thought of my partner harboring the personality trait of “liking cock”. It is just as legitimate a reason as someone who prefers, for example, not to date people who drink alcohol because they are turned off by this habit/personality characteristic.

    The unfortunate reality is that desire is not a democracy. If you have a preference for certain characteristics in a romantic/sexual partner, then so be it. People have no right to tell others who they should feel attracted to.

    I do not “hate” bisexuals — I just would not consider them as potential partners. That’s all. It’s certainly not “discrimination” in the classical sense, because it’s not as if I won’t hire/promote them, or want to take away their voting rights or what-have-you. I just don’t want to date them.

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