So. Long.

I can’t can’t talk to god
That would be so wrong
Haven’t spoken a word to the sky in who knows how long
And when I think of heaven
I just think of my mom
Not sure about my self guidance
I could be dead wrong
So most nights I sit in silence
Instead of speaking up
Keep my emotions tidy
Because in reality there’s way too much to clean up
My mind is madness
But my laugh is contagion
Zip up my psyche
From time to time
But make sure to keep
The anxiety
Because if I wasn’t anxious
I’d forget to breathe
And no matter what I do to change it
Anxiety
Is me
So I may not know Jesus
But I know the feeling
Of something taking over
And of truly seeing
I’ve stopped breathing
And had to find myself
Not in books
But mirrors
Staring into eyes that see so many others
But I will always look away
When it’s just me and you
You know fear from a single solitary gaze
I lay in bed at night and I fight
I fight the feeling of emptiness the dark gives me
Yet curled up tucked under covers the silence of the night time comforts me
So I fight the fear I’ve held since I was young when my parents turned the lights out
What can come when the door is closed and you have no one
Sometimes I feel that way about my heart
That it’s been left in the dark
And there it lays in bed – my chest
Beating alone
And then I tell myself I’m being dramatic
To pick my head up and to be less tragic
Yesterday for the first time in what I think was actually forever
That I looked up
And said I missed you
I miss you
We haven’t talked
In so long

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