No One Likes a Sandy Vagina

I know as New Yorkers you hear “storm” and you’re like yeah whatevs I’ve got my Seamless and my two step. But Sandy pants looks a tad bit serious pants so you should put on your adult pants (bonus points for both legs in at once) and get some hurricane supplies ready.

Things to know:

1. After 7:00 PM the Subway will be shutting the fuck down. So plan on getting to wherever you plan on hibernating for the next day or so before then.

2. All public schools are closed. I know. You’re like I don’t have kids. Cool. What that means is that a billion parents are currently freaking out and buying out the groceries stores so that little Billy and bratty brace face Susie don’t drive them ape shit in the event they’re stuck in the house. So GET YOUR ASS TO THE GROCERY STORE

What to buy:

http://voices.yahoo.com/30-foods-buy-hurricane-season-488435.html

3. We all live in a very happy place where we don’t really have to deal with intense weather. That being said don’t be a douche bag. Listen to weather reports. Don’t be that asshole that dies on the Williamsburg bridge because you were trying to take the perfect Instagram shot.

4. Friends make everything better. So stay with a bunch.

5. Charge all electronics that need to be charged (duh). You can charge your phone using your laptop.

6. Candles and flashlights are awesome, you know why? Because we are all still very afraid of the dark.

#sorryihadto

7. This always helps:

8. And if it doesn’t:

9. Keep updated and stuffs Huffington Post has pretty much got you.

10. You essentially just got 3 days off. Except wait. Has Halloween been cancelled?!?

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