Straight Girls And Gay Men Stop Stopping Progress

Every time I have tried to write about this topic I have re read the words on the screen and wondered if I sounded like: A. A homophobe B. A man hating feminist C. A man hating lesbian D. A jackass. It’s a touchy subject, so note that I am aware, and will tread as lightly as possible. No wait. I won’t.

Straight girls Imma let you finish but I need you to stop putting gay men on such a fucking pedestal. I am not mad that you love your gay, I’m glad that you aren’t grossed out by two guys together and that you’ll totally wear “My best friends gay.” shirt at Pride. But see the problem is, from what I have seen over the years, way too many of you allow your gays to get away with some bullshit. If one of your straight guy friends constantly put his hands all over you, or was constantly putting down aspects of the female body YOU WOULD FREAK THE FUCK OUT. Yet when I am out I see gay men put their hands all over you as you smile and act like everything is good and gravy.

Gay men are still MEN. And it isn’t like I am against men, but I am uncomfortable with them in certain spaces. Like say when I am out with a bunch of my fellow lesbians and queers and I see leers from gay dudes. Look sir. You have A MILLION BARS TO GO TO IN NEW YORK GO. Men are privileged. Society has already put them on a god damn pedestal, so I don’t need you to perpetuate their ego.

I have heard some pretty foul things come out of gay guys mouths about lesbians. Even my gay friends have said some fucking fucked up shit. And I have to pause and remember that it is because they are DUDES. And while they are family and no doubt had some of the same struggles that I did coming out, society sees them entirely differently then they see my queer ass. Society has never known what to do with powerful women. Men still make more then women do in the workplace and I still have to turn on the t.v. and see a bevy of advertising that celebrates women as nothing more then baby making milk vats who love throwing house parties, eating yogurt, and throwing dinner parties. Gay male characters on t.v.shows are seen as HILARIOUS best friends. Lesbians when used on t.v. are often used as pirhia’s. They are the butt of jokes. Hell, Ryan Murphy uses Brittany and Santana to constantly make jokes about lesbian sex. What’s that? A white gay man making jokes about lesbians? NO. Never.

All of this bullshit directed at lesbians trickles into the minds of straight girls who idolize their gay men. The girls who come to gay spaces and openly glare and scuff at getting hit on. And place blame on lesbians for being “so gross” because like: why can’t we a bunch of girls drink at a lesbian bar and NOT GET HIT ON. God our gays were tots right. Lesbians are all about trying to convert us. Ugh. Bitch. Leave.

I have had more then one encounter with gay men that have either ended in us both laughing or in me wanting to fucking kill him. Gay men have hit on me thinking that I’m a guy (legit I understand your confusion sir) after me correcting them its where trouble can ensue. “Oh but I’m sure you could still bend me over and take me.” Uhm no I couldn’t and more like wouldn’t because: YOURE A DUDE AND MY MASCULINE QUEER ENERGY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME WANTING TO FUCK YOU OR WANT TO BE YOU. WE ARE NOT THE SAME. AND YOU CAN SHUT YOUR PRIVILEGED MALE ASS THE FUCK UP. KTHANKSBYE. You know who else I have this problem with? Straight girls.

I have been at bars many a time, when a girl has made flirty eyes with me. We have often hung out, had a few drinks, and had a grand time. I often won’t let on that underneath my ensemble are breasts and that I pee sitting down. But then I feel like a morale asshole. I will talk about my blog and talk about the queer community, but more times then not; chicks won’t take the bait. So then I am left having to come out of the closet. Sometimes this goes without a hitch. And other times I get the straight girl reaction of the douchey gay guy. Like “oh ew but why do all of you lesbians just think you can get with whomever you want, you can’t change everyone.” Like I can’t. My mind. My head. It hurts.

I probably sound like I’m bitching. Well I am. Perez Hilton has made an entire career out of being a prick. Off of being a bitch. AND HE IS A MILLIONAIRE. Straight America allows him to be a fucking idiot because they think that is what all gay men resemble. A catty, entitled, white male. For all you queer guys out there and gay guys who are not fucking morons I feel your pain. It’s guys like Perez that straight girls are often after. They want to have kiki’s with their gay men, and talk shit about everyone and it is SO FUNNY and they are so progressive because they’re talking to a gay guy. A GAY! Wahoo we are all so god damn evolved.

Gay men have groped girls I have been dating right in front of my god damn face. Like look dude I get that you fuck other dudes but one that is straight up disrespectful and two you are a dude and shouldn’t be feeling all up on ladies in public. But BUT you’re straight besties totally let you, so in this gay space I (being a lady albeit a butch one in your eyes) should be totally ok with you touching my girlfriend.

No.

Ugh. I am not trying to generalize. And I do have many a queer boy in my life who are gems. But society continuously allows gay men to operate on a totally different set of rules then they do cis straight men, and I think it’s stupid and fucked up and I’m over it.

Have a good weekend.

6 thoughts on “Straight Girls And Gay Men Stop Stopping Progress

  1. This was so interesting! Thank you! I have definitely had experiences with handsy gay male friends while wasted that I didn’t realize I felt weird about until the next morning. Like, why is it okay for you to put your hands on me without asking just because you’re gay? I wouldn’t do that to a straight female friend. I honestly think a lot of gay men just don’t think about what they’re doing in those situations and how it might make a girl feel uncomfortable even if neither party is actually attracted to each other. And just to men in general, what makes most of you think that it is okay to touch a girl just because you’re both drunk? And to automatically assume that I want your attention which is not the case. Whew I went off on a bit of a rant there, whoops.

    1. Thanks so much for reading. I can’t put myself into the shoes of all girls, but the rage was festering inside me for far too long. Rants totally welcome. Always. I think that 90% of the time gay men are being totally innocent. But still it’s like we aren’t dogs, we don’t smell each others butts when we meet, don’t grab my boobs or ass. Thanks.

  2. I can definitely relate..I had a gay guy playfully (not that that matters) pat my boob at a bar. I just met him maybe 10 minutes prior and I was out with friends at a lesbian themed night. I was livid! I don’t care that he was drunk. I don’t understand anyone who doesn’t know that they’re expected to respect everyone’s personal space. I don’t normally hang out with many gay men but the ones I do hang out with are respectful. So this encounter was kinda crazy to me! It’s totally perpetuated by straight women too..I sometimes wonder if it’s about attention. Whatever the case.. I just choose my friends wisely. I don’t associate with folks who can’t be respectful and sophisticated – especially in public.

  3. I can definitely relate..I had a gay guy playfully (not that that matters) pat my boob at a bar. I just met him maybe 10 minutes prior and I was out with friends at a lesbian themed night. I was livid! I don’t care that he was drunk. I don’t understand anyone who doesn’t know that they’re expected to respect everyone’s personal space. I don’t normally hang out with many gay men but the ones I do hang out with are respectful. So this encounter was kinda crazy to me! It’s totally perpetuated by straight women too..I sometimes wonder if it’s about attention. Whatever the case.. I just choose my friends wisely. I don’t associate with folks who can’t be respectful and sophisticated – especially in public.

    1. Haha no worries.

      It is always mind blowing when you come to the realization that so many people don’t understand simple boundaries. Things that you would absolutely think would never happen…happen. All you can do is choose to take the permanent high road and shake peoples crazy OFF lol.

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