Pavement Street Stars

There are a million stars in the sky
Some I know that I’ll never see
I used to think of those stars like people
And if I didn’t see them all – I was missing everything
I’ve got this infinite crush
It’s an insatiable craving
I need without being needy
I know satisfaction
But I know it rarely
I crave uncertainty
Because it understands me
My trust in life lays in the millions of stars
I watch them flicker
And I know them to be my heart
I am as focused as I choose to be

Lay in bed
Stay with me
Hold me down
Control me

I have always run
I know nothing but packed bags
And overnight stays
I need some stability

Is that safe for me to say

I want more than I will ever say
I look back at countless mistakes
Dead end after dead end
That nearly destroyed me
But stars they die
And yet the night sky
Still manages to stay

I want something tangible
I want your hand to hold
I don’t know what the future is
I was never taught
I was never told
Forever is a fairy tale
But I have always loved stories
Forever is in the stars

The wind that shakes me
The rain that would hit my face
When I was doing nothing but pushing a board down suburban streets at a hellish pace
When I didn’t understand consequence
When I wanted to know love
My wheels would slip and my feet would skid on pavement
And all I could ever think was you can’t stop
You’re going to make it


What. Do. We. Do?

The Steubenville rape case has ended in a guilty conviction of two 16 year old boys. These are the thoughts that have been swirling my mind, in no particular order.

Rape destroys people’s lives.

Those who rape should be put in jail where they can happily rot in hell.

Those who rape should also be put through an extensive amount of therapy.

Society is not fair to women.

Society idolizes athletes.

From a young age both men and women should be taught NOT TO RAPE.

A victim is just that: a victim.

A study was conducted asking men if they could get away with rape – would they? Do you know what the results said? 35% of men would.

35% of men would absolutely totally rape, if they absolutely totally would not get caught.


Women should be able to wear whatever the fuck they want and not worry about men taking that as an opening to sexually assault them.

Women should be careful. Or something? I don’t even know what the right word is but I do know rapists exist. And while in a happy perfect society you should be able to happily get drunk and walk home; we don’t live in that place (yet). You can’t prevent someone from being an asshole, but you can take steps to keep yourself out of certain situations. With that said one is ever “asking” for rape. That sentence needs to be taken out of everyone vernacular.

If you ever need a ride home from anywhere in NYC Right Rides will pick you up and bring you home for free.

Our prison system is fucked up. But you know what – so is being a criminal.

I feel sorry for those who are in prison with murders and rapists; those who have been convicted of crimes like drug possession for example should not have to share cells with those who have ended someones life.

Teenagers are in fact not responsible enough to get drunk. When you do not know your limits you will in fact make stupid decisions. That is not to say that without alcohol these boys would have not committed rape or another crime, BUT alcohol absolutely played a role in what occurred that night. For all parties.

I am perplexed by rape. It disgusts me to no end that anyone feels that they are entitled to invade someones space to that extent. Is it a sickness? Are there more sociopaths running around than we realize? Are men born with the capacity to rape? Can a rapist be cured? Is rape learned? Or is it like alcoholism – in the sense that if your father was a rapist you have the pre disposition to be one as well. I know that studies have shown that if you are sexually assaulted as a child you have a higher chance of being a rapist but why does that only occur with men who were assaulted – why than don’t more women rape?

Too many people in my life have been raped, or sexually assaulted. The ways in which I have seen how horribly their lives have been changed and sometimes ruined absolutely kills me. It leaves me with a distaste for men. It leaves me with a feeling of hopelessness for young girls and women.

Society doesn’t teach people how to not get killed.
Society doesn’t teach people how to not get hit by a drunk driver.
Society doesn’t teach people how to avoid hate crimes.


Society teaches women how to not get raped.

Because. That. Makes. Sense.

Where My Girls At? (NSFW)

I was reading an article earlier today on trans* porn star Buck Angel.

This stud:

Buck is a FTM porn supa star. His documentary Mr. Angel is playing at SXSW this week. Here’s a clip. You have been forewarned to grab some tissues, or napkins, or fairy wings; whatever you choose to dry your crying queer eyes with:

In Bucks porn, he has sex with other trans* men or with cis men. If glanced at, his films and shorts pretty much look no different than most gay male porn. It is essentially a queer, trans*, cis, gay, clusterfuck and is actually pretty liberating to see. All of these different people on the gender spectrum coming (yep) together.

So cut to a few minutes ago when a friend of mine messages me like a cis lady in distress. Reason for said distress?

“Why is there no porn showing trans men fucking cis femme women?”

Now this is something I had never really given much if ok ANY thought to. The internet porn world is as far as I have ever known, a black hole of literally anything you could ever want – or everything that your nightmares are made of. Furries? Feeders? Enemas?!? Do you, world. But seriously sometimes…what the fuck. So I was like of course there is trans* porn with cis women online lemme prove you wrong real quick. Anyway I headed on over to the finder of all things to find: Binglolz just kidding, Google, and typed in FTM porn. I got a list of websites. Clicked three. And saw that they were all men. Cis men, trans* men, gay men, straight men. There was nary a lady in sight. Unless said lady was an MTF but alas NO CIS WOMEN.

What gives Internet porn galaxy?

It is easy to dismiss this as: Well porn is a guy thing. Women don’t watch porn. To which all ladies say – shut your mouth right now thank you. Women make up for 1/3 of the porn watched.

Now it is easy to assume that the market for FTM – Cis Female porn is a small niche. But am I really supposed to believe that there are less women out there who are attracted to trans* men then there are people who are into let’s say Inflatophilia? What is inflatophila you ask? Oh just people who are turned on by things that inflate. As in balloons, as in imagining people inflating like balloons. Or how about menophilia? Aka a period fetish, yes as in menstruation. Delicious. So. People like some shit. Cool I get it – well I don’t but you do you. But with all of these fetish’s creeping around the internet WHY ISN’T SOMETHING AS LEGIT/SEXY LIKE FTM – CIS FEMALE PORN BURIED IN THE FAR CORNERS OF THE ABYSS?

Why do FTM porn stars choose to get into gay male porn or trans* on trans* porn as opposed to including cis women? Porn (obviously) does not directly mimik real life but come on! How many trans* men do you know that date cis women? How many femme women do you know that LOVE trans* guys? 1+1 is not equalling 2 here.

Is it a money thing? Is it productions assumption that men will pay more for product and therefore marketing to women is useless? Are trans* men who are in the porn industry simply not interested in bringing women into the bedroom? Do they feel they would isolate their gay or trans* fans? Porn is often an escape to fantasy, but a lot of times it is entirely vanilla. There is boring porn out there you guys. The industry spreads to all corners, so why is this a corner going un-filmed?


Nary a cis woman in sight.