So I was totally not informed that this article was coming out but: HURRAY QUEER FASHION HITTING THE MAINSTREAM!
Also, mom and dad I made it into the New York Times. That is like mecca for New York Jews right? You’re proud of me for all of this freelance writing and modeling now right?
Don’t worry you’ll still be hearing this:
So we have all gotten to the age where certain things are no longer ok. You know we’re just at that point where you should just know better. I’m talking simple things, for instance: if you are over the age of 21 and getting fall down black out drunk I HAVE NO TIME FOR YOU. No but really. Most of us have been drinking since what? High school? I had my first horrible drunk moment with a bottle of Majorska and a bottle of Gatorade. Because well, doesn’t that sound absolutely delicious?
It was a GREAT time. But that was like what? Almost 9 years ago? (holy fucking shit). So my 23 year old self has no time for your self to be a sloppy mess around my self therefore making me look like I’m friends with the human equivalent of a sloppy joe. Feel me?
Things that did totally became ok? Having un breakfasty foods for breakfast. Such as beer and popsicles.Cuz you step up to your fridge and you’re like I’M AN ADULT WATCH ME.
Now the one thing. The one burning thing. That is no longer acceptable. Is the wanting, pining after, and hooking up with of ze straight girl. Much like how horrible cheap vodka will get you drunk a straight girl will flirt with you and maybe let you have The Sex. But then the next morning as you hug the toilet or hug the pillow she was laying on you come to realize – that was a bad fucking idea. Look. There is many a lady in this world. And many a lady is gay. Or bi. Or queer. So like, save yourself the pain. It isn’t going to end well. You are going to hate life for awhile. Nothing is going to make sense. Up will be down. Down will be up, and you’ll just be listening to Robyn and Adele in a really sad rotation wishing you had a cat to share the misery with, which wait you’ll probably have had already purchased with said straight girl or your ex girlfriend. Side bar – stop buying cats. They live really long fucking lives. And I’m guessing your relationship doesn’t have the shelf life of a Hostess snack. So no kittens. If you must, go the Jenny Schecter route and buy an old animal. One that you know…may not have that much longer left to go. It will die along with your relationship and then all the metaphors and analogies you write in your post break up short stories will make perfect sense. That was dark. I’m kidding. Mostly.
But look! Queer Grub is back.
They say that times have changed. They tell us that It Will Get Better. But America continues to have not only a race problem, but a gun problem. We arm ourselves, to defend ourselves, from attacks that are often imaginary. This countries justice system was put in place to bring criminals to justice. But how many times have we seen that system backfire? Is it race? Or is it America’s constant support of guns that has lead us to a “not guilty” verdict this time? Or, is it both?
Someone is dead. And the person who killed them is walking free.
That is not justice. Our system has failed. And a murderer with a penchant for walking the streets at night with a loaded gun, is free to do just that.
You see it’s only half way over but this years felt like a few years if you know what I
If you know what I mean
Summer winds are blowing and all I can think of is that winters on its way
And all I can reason is maybe it’s time to leave the east coast
Friends they’ve been rolling back and forth
And I’ve been dragging on for far too long
My brain is vibrating
As my body paces
Up and down the city
Home feeling a bit strange
Out of place
Little escapes set your heart on fire
But your heels are stuck in the mud
a city of concrete and you are in lake of quicksand, gun powder, and fire
So tell your heart you’re trying your best to keep up
Tell your heart that it’s ready to fall in love
Whether it be with a city or with a girl
Whether it be for forever
Or for the moment
Every moment was once your future
And you did tell yourself yesterday that tomorrow would be the day
So today maybe you should take a chance
Even if all it means is that a door will slam
You can take it
Night creeps in
But it’s only sometimes that the moon joins in
You forget the stars exist in the city
Your forget that nighttime can be peaceful
Stars and black skies
That make you want to lay out on lawns and smile
I guess it is safe to say that I have no idea what I want
But it does need to be said that from now on I will only visit haunts
My past is there
And it used to bring me to my knees
But my past has passed and blaming anyone in my future leads to no leads
Maybe I will show you my heart
Maybe I will give you a summary
But here I am
And you see I’m not worried about whether or not you or they want me
I only worry that I will give up on me