2013 Here Are Your Dating Rules – Summer Update

1. Bitches love sushi.

*It has been brought to my attention that not everyone likes sushi – which like…I can’t even.

2. Go to a bar – don’t get drunk.
Going out for drinks is fine. Getting wasted…probably not the best idea.

*I have actually never followed this rule.

3. A movie theatre is no place to take a lady aka this is the WORST first date idea ever.

4. Don’t introduce her to your friends until you’re sure you want her around. Possibly FOREVER if they hit it off.

5. First dates are for the two of you. And only the two of you. Start wooing her with your awesome bartender friend or awesome server friend or awesome barista friend or awesome whatever friend some OTHER time. This could blow up in your face if said friend is so awesome that the two of them hit it off.

6. If you met on OkCupid establish some kind of textual relationship before your first date. And always remember my cardinal rule:
ALWAYS ALWAYYYSSS CALL FIRST. Before making any commitments. Before signing your name on the dated dot line. Hear. Their voice. I’m #soserious. Why?A. Because a voice, can break a date. B. Because some people can send awesome messages yet face to face…can not function and wouldn’t it be nicer to learn that prior to an evening. ALONE?

7.  Do NOT bring flowers. Because
1. It’s kinda cheesy.
2. What the fuck is she going to do with a bouquet of flowers all night? Bring a hot cocoa or something equally cute, weather relatable, and ultimately disposable.

8. Put your phone AWAY. If they take their phone out momentarily don’t freak out. Periodic checks are ok. We’re all wired. Face the facts.

9. Do: Stay away from arguing about politics/arguing in general. BUT – In conversation make a point to talk about some of the things you’re passionate about. You’ll get a good understanding of where they fall on certain issues without being pushy and an ass.

10. Don’t order messy foods. Look I’m not trying to sound like a princess but NO ONE needs to see you scarf down ribs on a first date. No. One. Salads can also be an epic pain in the ass. (sushi – just do it)

11. Try. Trrryyy. TRRRRYYY not to talk about your ex. At all. Not even a little. Casually talking about failed dates and crazy OkCupid experiences? GAME ON. Crazy ex stories…no…see yourself to the door now.

12. Don’t fly your crazy flag. By telling said ex stories etc you are also opening up a window of what you may be like as a partner. And seriously, aint nobody got time for that,

13. Relax. Seriously. Be yourself, if you and this person really hit it off you don’t want to have to keep up some constant illusion of who you secretly aren’t.

14. Don’t be overly sexual for no fucking reason. Like asking someone on a couples massage for a first date is…well fucking weird. Spa Castle is amazing (no but really like it is http://www.nyspacastle.com/eng/main/main.php) but lets keep our clothes on shall we?

15. Restaurants are awesome. But how about something more interactive where you don’t have to worry about not looking like a caveman? Obvious go to? MUSEUMS!
The Museum of Moving Image is literally the most fun place EVER. If either of you are into film this is a win. http://www.movingimage.us/

The Brooklyn Museum – While curated a little oddly The Bk museum is close to a bunch of other things such as amazing bars and restaurant on Vanderbilt. Who ever turned down brunch and art? (no one I want to date thank you) http://www.brooklynmuseum.org/

The New Museum Great neighborhood. Cool exhibits. http://www.newmuseum.org/

The Met – Hit the rooftop in the summer for stunninG views of Central Park. Get lost in general in this massive palace of a building. PLUS it is always suggested donation. Unlike *cough MOMA

PS-1 While I am not the biggest fan of PS-1 they have an awesome lineup for 2013. Also the trip in on the 7 train lets you see 5 Pointz which is basically the coolest. If all fails at PS-1 walk on over to the Pointz and take a million adorable first date pics…or something. http://www.momaps1.org/ http://5ptz.com/

The Museum of Natural History Because duh dinosaurs. http://www.amnh.org/

Instead of booze why not go grab some tea? Everyone always goes for coffee – not all of us are all about coffee. Tea is cuter. The end.
For the Japanese tea room experience: http://www.chaanteahouse.com/
The British: http://teaandsympathynewyork.com/
And for those who like me fucking love Alice in Wonderland: http://www.alicesteacup.com/

Other stuffs:

Chelsea Market is pretty much my favorite place to spend a few hours – in the summer you can grab lunch and happily go eat on The Highline. That is literally my favorite way to spend a summer day. Followed by caipirinhas of course.

Smorgasburg – Food, booze, and the Manhattan skyline? Say hello to your perfect Saturday (or Sunday). http://www.smorgasburg.com/

Smorgasbar – Smogasburg during the week – http://www.brooklynflea.com/markets/smorgasbar-at-south-st-seaport/

Jane’s Carousel – Located in DUMBO and operating all year round, and I know, you’re thinking seriously a carousel? Trust. It is a date win.

Hester Nights – Pretend like it’s a weekend food festival bonanza every Thursday. http://www.hesterstreetfair.com/#!hester-nights/c7h

Take a cooking class – Who cares if neither of you can cook, cooking with someone else is super fun. http://thesocialtable.com/

Bask on a rooftop: http://mckittrickhotel.com/gallowgreen/ http://berryparkbk.com/ http://wythehotel.com/

Or a patio: Two words: Taco. Truck. http://union-pool.com/ Like yourself some drinking games: http://www.goodcobk.com/

The West Side Piers. Better for the end of a date, the views of New Jersey (shut up) are pretty gorgeous and there is something about water that is just kinda dare I say it…rooomantic.

Bars that give you free food? Yes. – http://www.nyc10best.com/restaurants-and-food/10-best-free-bar-food-in-nyc/

Get creative. Doing things keeps conversation rolling and gives you guys something to talk about in the awkward moments of a date. Think outside the box. So even if you two don’t hit it off, you didn’t have a totally wasted evening.

16. Sex is amazing. Try not to have it on the first date. Anticipation is a wonderful thing.

17. The lesbians and queer worlds are small. The more people you’re dating the more sticky things will get.

18. Do not lock yourself down. Dating implies that you are seeking many different people. Dating does not mean go on one date think everything is perfect and cut everyone else off. Though we all know that dating as a queer person is basically right up there with taking your GRE.

19. Don’t count out love! Seriously. Be open to what a relationship could give you.

20. Don’t make future plans while on the first date. It’s reaching. And a bit much. Chill out.

21. Online dating can be tricky. Look for context clues. Short/tall, skinny/fat, only pictures of them taken by a webcam (alone in their room with their cats) etc. The Internet is a land of lies. And people love to lie.

22. Also I guess you can totally meet someone off the internet. Queer single hot spots: Metropolitan, The Woods (duh), Hot Rabbit – At Monster on Fridays, Stonewall – Fridays, Cubby Hole – Tuesdays, Sugarland, This n’ That, and Phoenix.

Happy Summer Loving.


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