But Mom: What’s a Gender Queer?

*This is a little informative piece I threw together for a party and now for the Interwebs, to simply breakdown what it means to be gender queer. Heads up, chins out, glitter gun locked and loaded lets do this:

So you aren’t trans? But you’re not a girl? But you pee sitting down? Sometimes you pack and sometimes you don’t? You look like a guy though. But a lot of what you say is kinda feminist like. I’m really confused. Are you confused?

No. I’m just gender queer.

Lets break this down:

Gender is that thing that was slapped on your birth certificate determined by what was between or not between your legs.

Queer is that wonderful word that we can consider an umbrella term for many LGBTQ people.

Now when I slap the words gender and queer together. I am telling you that I am a little bit of both. What is between my legs is not thoroughly who I am. If gender is black and white I am gray.

“So what gender pronoun should I use when addressing you, or people like you?”

No person is the same. No gender queer person is the same. GQ folks range from accepting and being comfortable with words you’ve heard all of your life like: Mr. and Miss. too some other words you may not have even known to exist like: ze/ hir

Zir? What is that about? Think of it this way: he, she, ze / him, her, hir / his, hers, hirs

Names work too. So instead of saying her or him insert said persons name and ta da no need for an awkward moment. They and them are also pretty common.

“So who do you date?”

EVERYONE. And no by that I don’t mean that every gender queer person dates every other sexuality automatically. What I mean is, gender queer people can fall into any sexuality. Because you see, gender and sexuality are separate.

For some of us gender has always been pretty clear. While for some of us gender has been much like sexuality – a question. Anyone who falls under the gay umbrella knows what it is like to question who they are, and question what it is society expects from them, and looks at them. Being gender queer is just another one of those things.

Don’t be afraid to ask questions. To stay curious. When done so with respect, there is SO MUCH TO LEARN.

<;3 Ryley


For Better

It’s almost as if something’s been trapped in the back of your mouth and it’s slowly been forcing its way over your tongue and is now pressing itself up against your lips. But you’re holding them tight. You’re biting down on your tongue.

You’ll have to forgive me I’m just no good at this I think words all the time that keep me up at night they swirl around and occupy my mind – which sometimes is for better but most times for worse. I rehearse every conversation that could be, I run through arguments from the past. Wishing in those moments words hadn’t escaped me hadn’t gotten past. And now I have the memories and they flood me worse than dreams.

Excuse my tongue for it is new at this. It’s having a hard time understanding what to do with this.

Fall asleep to wake up to a dark room shadows are dancing on your wall because the tv has been on for days. And so have you. You’ve been on and on and you don’t see yourself slowing. It’s the season for missing those you’ve lost and the people that just don’t quite fit.

Excuse my tongue for my lips are not that strong. I may slip and trip but I’ll look into mirrors and tell myself and then tell you that all I know is strength. All I know is how to be what’s right when you say everything is wrong.

I’ll sleep when my eyes let me. I’ll dance when the music plays. The rest is up to whatever I’m supposed to leave it to. Believe in you. Believe in all the people who illuminate some part of my life everyday. Believe in the shitty ones too.

Hungry for everything. Insatiable to a fault. You can never have everything but why would I stop trying for it all? This only happens once you know. You should take it all in. I’ll cry because I’m much too sad and again because I’m overwhelmed – with happiness.


Take a piece of this temperamental heart and tell it that in due time it can be fixed that the tension that it holds within will eventually get sick of being sick. Tired of being whatever it means to be not quite exactly know of what you are doing is right or if this city, this apartment, this job is where you’re meant to be. Question after question with very few answers on sight. You take it all out on dance floors and have gotten used to the comfort of strangers bodies flying and sliding to the DJ under neon lights. You wonder when the wander will end. When your feet will touch down on a place and never want to leave it or go anywhere else again. Nomad. You are not quite lost you just see the point in ever stopping. Life’s curse is that eventually we’ll all stop forever so while we’re breathing why would we give in to being tired or sore you can always exhaust yourself a little more because that pounding in your chest that shortness of breath it’s your life raft. Float towards something float towards whatever your dreams are still being dreamt and if you let them can go on forever.