For Better

It’s almost as if something’s been trapped in the back of your mouth and it’s slowly been forcing its way over your tongue and is now pressing itself up against your lips. But you’re holding them tight. You’re biting down on your tongue.

You’ll have to forgive me I’m just no good at this I think words all the time that keep me up at night they swirl around and occupy my mind – which sometimes is for better but most times for worse. I rehearse every conversation that could be, I run through arguments from the past. Wishing in those moments words hadn’t escaped me hadn’t gotten past. And now I have the memories and they flood me worse than dreams.

Excuse my tongue for it is new at this. It’s having a hard time understanding what to do with this.

Fall asleep to wake up to a dark room shadows are dancing on your wall because the tv has been on for days. And so have you. You’ve been on and on and you don’t see yourself slowing. It’s the season for missing those you’ve lost and the people that just don’t quite fit.

Excuse my tongue for my lips are not that strong. I may slip and trip but I’ll look into mirrors and tell myself and then tell you that all I know is strength. All I know is how to be what’s right when you say everything is wrong.

I’ll sleep when my eyes let me. I’ll dance when the music plays. The rest is up to whatever I’m supposed to leave it to. Believe in you. Believe in all the people who illuminate some part of my life everyday. Believe in the shitty ones too.

Hungry for everything. Insatiable to a fault. You can never have everything but why would I stop trying for it all? This only happens once you know. You should take it all in. I’ll cry because I’m much too sad and again because I’m overwhelmed – with happiness.

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